Deciding who will raise your child in your absence is one of the toughest decisions you’ll face as a parent. We find that the first step is to admit that no one is good enough to raise your kids! Make a list of all the possible candidates, and then sit down with your partner and talk over the pros and cons of each one.
Consider values. If faith is important to you, then it is critical that the faith of your guardian be similar to your own. Consider also the potential guardian’s educational views, and parenting style.
Think beyond the obvious choices. You don’t need to limit your list to close family members. While siblings and parents can be excellent choices, consider also extended family members who are old enough to raise your children – cousins, aunts, uncles, nieces, nephews, even second cousins once removed.Beyond family, consider close friends, families with whom your family is close, the families of your children’s friends, friends you know from your place of worship, even teachers or child care providers with whom you and your children have a special relationship. Consider who your children feel comfortable with already.
Consider the couple you name. Many parents tend to gravitate toward a married couple when they pick a guardian for their child. After all, a married pair seems more stable than a single person. But consider which member should raise the children (or neither of them) if the couple splits up.
Don’t rule out far-flung relatives. Think about where your potential guardian lives and whether a move to another city or state would turn your little one’s world upside down. It may seem horribly disruptive for your child to be uprooted from all they know, but if the best person for the job lives elsewhere, then it’ll probably work out fine. Besides, most kids are resilient when it comes to this kind of change.
Don’t stress about finances or the size of someone’s house. Don’t eliminate anyone from consideration because you don’t think they have the financial wherewithal to take care of your children. You can take care of the finances as part of your estate plan. You can even instruct your trustee to provide funds for your chosen guardian to build an addition to their home or move to a larger home to accommodate your children.
Talk with everyone involved. Once you narrow your list to a few key people, talk to them about how they’d feel about being named guardian of your child. The conversations may reveal feelings and attitudes that will help you make your final decision. Perhaps one person will express a clear desire to play this role, or you’ll find out that one of your choices isn’t willing to take on the responsibility. If your children are old enough, talk with them to get their input as well.
Split the task. Some parents ask their child’s guardian to also handle the finances and their child’s inheritance. After all, it’s tempting to have the same person take care of both jobs. But it is highly recommended that the person handling the assets (as trustee) be different than the guardian. The Trustee has a completely different skill set than the guardian in that he or she needs a certain level of financial sophistication to assure that the assets are properly invested and will be prudent in making discretionary distribution choices to the guardians when the children are minors and to the children prior to the ultimate distribution of their share.